I know.
I know how it feels to be inadequate. I know the taste of disappointment when you once thought you build dreams of forever and it came crashing down. I know how excruciating painful it can be to look into the mirror and wished you were more - prettier, slimmer, smarter, richer and more. I know what it's like to spend countless nights crying, questioning yourself and your choices. I know, and I know those thoughts and most importantly, I want you to know that you are not alone.
I want you to know, that you are not just any face across the street. You are cherished, valued, loved beyond measure. You are not a typical girl.
You are more than enough.
In my personal story, I went through a painful ordeal where my partner of 7 years whom I built our dreams and future with decided I was not enough and left.
It was beyond heart wrenching as I recollect my thoughts for this post. I vividly remembered mustering all my strength to wail as I watched my life came crashing down and it spiralled. There seemed no way up. I couldn't count those desperate moments where I cried out to Jesus and questioned Him profusely, demanding an answer to everything that happened.
It was an extremely dark period for me where I had no hope, because everything contained within me was sadness and bitterness. I lost my appetite completely and I couldn't get any sleep for when my eyes were closed, the thoughts of inadequacy and moments played out like a repeated cassette tape. My heart was in turmoil like never before and I felt the literal burden of my own heart. I lost the man whom I dearly loved, together with the dreams of our future.
I forgot how it was like to love myself. I forgot how it was to live for myself. I forgot how it was like to be alone and that plagued me, but I am so thankful for my loved ones who stood by me through that period - offering anything and everything they could to lift me up.
Every day, it was a struggle as I trudged forward in baby steps. Negative thoughts would hit me incessantly and it was a deliberate choice to choose Jesus over and over again.
After weeks of staying despondent and hopeless, I looked into the mirror and saw a dishevelled me. With tears streaming down my face, it hit me that I couldn't continue living a life that did not reflect God's heart for me. A part of me knew I was made for more than this. Hope and joy was slowly restored as I continuously fed on His Word.
One prominent way that gave me my boost of comfort and confidence was dressing up. I started piecing outfits together again and went an extra mile to doll up. I’ve always had a penchant for styling since young and built upon it.
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